You may or may not know (well, you might have guessed it from my tweet) that i have been waiting for your message since morning. i knew you came back yesterday night. really late and you were really tired. so i thought, ok maybe you needed to rest.

then came assembly time. you would usually text me before that. so i checked my phone after assembly. a text message, but not from you. so i thought maybe you were going to do so later.

i checked it during my break, still nothing. well, maybe you wanted to focus on your lessons. then, i saw your classmates during break time. i thought you would text me then. checked it right before break ended. still nothing from you.

maybe you were just too tired. but i started having wild thoughts. maybe it was all over? was it? was i too harsh to reply "why would i. lol" ? or maybe you sorted it out these 4-5 days away. maybe you decided that it was too dumb to waste so much time on someone who does not return to same amount. maybe you decided that it was impossible. maybe you gave up. i was a little hurt. after all, i know myself and my feelings best. but isn't this what i wanted. i promised that if it ever did happen i should be very thankful. there is one less person who is willing to wait, one less person whom i know is less deserving of my time and effort. i should be thankful.

of course, it doesn't go away as quickly and as easily as i thought. it still bugs me. i still check my phone. and if i see a "1 New Message" there would be this part of me that's hoping it's from you. and that never happens. i know there would be this day it would all end. some day when you finally decide that's it's not worth it and i am not the one you are looking for.

maybe, it happens to be today.