Just something I'm feeling so strongly for right now.

we all seem to be so caught up with school work etc that we end up ignoring/neglecting other's feelings. I wanted so badly to tell you/share with you about it but dropping a hint at the end of the message 'so braindead now' well you probably, naturally thought it was because of studies. it kind of broke my heart a bit because i thought you'll realise it. you told me yeaterday that if i was upset i could rant. i could tell you. but i cant possibly do so directly right? i thought you'll ask about it, really i thought you would. i was expecting it. but you didn't. you ignored it. were you angry that i kept asking wy you accepted her? or were you slightly pissed i took longer than usual to reply?

其实在这方面，我们俩都很幼稚。也因为这样，我经常都认为我们不可能。可是每当有这种念头时，somthing happy happens again that wipes off all this negative thoughts. i dont know anymore. are we meant for each other?

i seriously thought you'll ask about it. i was all prepared and ready to share. yet you didn't. i know, i demand so much from you. and maybe i should learn to be sensitive to your feelings too. i saw the tweet regarding your nickname. really, i was slightly upset. i thought you were over her. not yet i guess.

it has been a really eventful day with so much emotions. partially because i didn't get enough sleep so my emotions tend to go to the extreme. or maybe... i dont know anymore.should i even bother replying to something im tired about. are you tired too?

是不是自己太天真，是不是“缘分”的定义太“童话故事”化了？

总是相信 there will always be a Mr. Right. yes, no one's perfect. but im not looking for someone perfect. 自己虽有列下条件，but at the end of the day 还是缘分重要不是吗？

I acted as if I didn't catch that. I decided to not tell you I was going there. But I had hopes of seeing you there. waited. but you didn't appear. I thought you went home. But it turns out that you went to thaipan. with them. and she was there. 我知道你们只是朋友，but i can't help questioning and over-thinking. yes, i am selfish.

或许我们有缘无份，或许我们只能当朋友，一辈子的好朋友。It seems as if we have many in common, and yet we are so different. if you realised, 我们交的朋友很不一样。i can never be friends with her. and yet, you're close friends with her. yes, we rely on our siblings a lot. but yet it seems like we have no common topic. 是不是因为害怕尴尬，所以我开始远离你？the atmosphere is now different if you realised. i can never be so relaxed and crazy around you ever again. if you realised, 我变了。
在你面前，我变了。

maybe i should stop thinking about the things that would never happen. maybe we weren't meant to be.

I read your tweets, but i dont know whether to trust you. i don't know anymore.

你真的让我很失望。

应不应该回你的简讯。有点累了。这算是第二次了吧。or have you found someone new.

In case if you're wondering if I'm angry, yes i am. I am angry AND upset.

当大家都离开的时候，我以为你会留下。我以为你一定会来。真的在一靠你了。可是，你让我失望了。不知道是不是因为你生病了，还是只是在找借口找时间读书。不知道应该是大人有大量的原谅你，还是无理取闹的埋怨。或许你没有我想象中那样。或许是我多想了。或许当时的你也只不过是三分之难过热度。我明白了，我了解了，到最后我们只是朋友。只是朋友。因为真正的朋友在食道你有多需要忍受的时候，不会抛弃你。我们只是朋友。谢谢你让我了解了我不需要花太多时间在回复你的简讯上，也不必再为你的性情而着想。我不必为你捉出牺牲，你也不需要。到最后，原来结局是如此。

sometimes i wonder if things might really work out between us. frankly speaking, i thought someday we might stop texting and here comes the end. because it's really hard for me to forget him. but seems like you made it possible. is it because this is just the start? they always say its the 'honeymoon period' where everything is just sweet and you see no problems coming. it all seems perfect. yet, i have to admit that sometimes i feel like we no longer have anything left to talk about. i'm terribly confused.

是不是因为你的努力与关心让我心动了？还是这只是所谓的“怦然”？

you try. really, you do. even if i seem like im pushing you away, you still try.

还以为自己不可能会喜欢你 but at that moment you removed my name from the same interview slot, I was a little upset and seeing that you didnt change it back made me doubt you. today, i opened the wrong file and got upset again seeing that it was unchanged. but when i finally found the correct one and saw the amendment 心里不知为什么突然高兴了起来。I was just wondering what if it wasn't on purpose at all, what if 这只是巧合？

是不是我想太多了。

It's 2 days to valentine's day. and i received a balloon with a packet of chocolates&sweets attached to it (some package by some club in the school).

My friends didn't have their lunch and they were hungry so i decided to give them the food (since they were terribly hungry and one seem to have gastric). You told me it's ok to give it to them since I told you I had sore throat and I can't eat it. But I know you were slightly hurt when I told you I gave them the food. Sorry, I hope you'll understand.

Then, in the LT I passed them the entire package (with the helium balloon) since they were terribly hungry. and then 'OH OH OMG'. knew it. the balloon was flying up to the ceiling and it stopped there, motionless. omg. i was a little.... hurt and surprized and lost. omg how? i felt a little dejected and then the thought came to me. maybe this was all fate. maybe its a sign that we should both let go. maybe it just wasn't going to work out. i texted to tell you that it flew off. you didn't reply. for a long long time. you were probably terribly hurt.

you ignored me during the walkabout. you were probably expecting me to come face to face and tell you i'm sorry. you were probably expecting me to be very very upset. but i seemed like i wasn't.
i wanted to go up to you to tell you actually i got it back. but there were so many people around. well, i just didn't want them to know about it.

so anyway, halfway through during the lecture the balloon actually decended (i was sooo shocked) and my friend grabbed it back and it came back to me. that moment, i was so happy. it was so amazing that it happened (my friend happened to let go of hers and it flew all the way to the back of the LT and didn't come back. yet, i realised it was slightly deflated. was it a sign? or was i thinking too much?

whatever it is, i am seriously grateful. someday, it might all work out. but first, i'll have to forget someone else.

或许，你只是我人生中的一位异客。

虽然你确实让我的生活变得更精彩，你却从未想过要留下来。

总有一天你会离去。到时候我也只能跟你说声：谢谢。

Yes, there was indeed this part of me that wished i was there. and yes, with him sitting beside me. But then again, i;ve promised myself to never do such silly things again for you. because some day i'll come to realise how gulible it is and how stupid i would look.

anyway, the main reason you went there was because she's there. isn't it? all the more i shouldn't go. it'll end up affecting me for the entire night again.

you'll never know. i'll never let you know i once liked you this much. (and i probably still do)

其實很多時候我們都被「心動」騙了。我們以為我們愛那個人，但其實我們愛上的很多時候都是新鮮感製造的「怦然」而不是那個人。

从前的自己以为自己只是因为喜欢上他的外貌、他给的“怦然”。但已经快一年的，他还是让我有许多许多的“怦然”。 总是希望我们会在一起，但是清楚这不可能会发生。绝对不可能。

you sounded really tired.. so maybe a text might help? but what if i end up getting the same reply and only end up spoiling my day. or what if you end up seeing it as a burden since you need to reply to it. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

原来想要寄一个简讯也可以那么难。howhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhow

我们之间会不会有未来？

结局。。。

You may or may not know (well, you might have guessed it from my tweet) that i have been waiting for your message since morning. i knew you came back yesterday night. really late and you were really tired. so i thought, ok maybe you needed to rest.

then came assembly time. you would usually text me before that. so i checked my phone after assembly. a text message, but not from you. so i thought maybe you were going to do so later.

i checked it during my break, still nothing. well, maybe you wanted to focus on your lessons. then, i saw your classmates during break time. i thought you would text me then. checked it right before break ended. still nothing from you.

maybe you were just too tired. but i started having wild thoughts. maybe it was all over? was it? was i too harsh to reply "why would i. lol" ? or maybe you sorted it out these 4-5 days away. maybe you decided that it was too dumb to waste so much time on someone who does not return to same amount. maybe you decided that it was impossible. maybe you gave up. i was a little hurt. after all, i know myself and my feelings best. but isn't this what i wanted. i promised that if it ever did happen i should be very thankful. there is one less person who is willing to wait, one less person whom i know is less deserving of my time and effort. i should be thankful.

of course, it doesn't go away as quickly and as easily as i thought. it still bugs me. i still check my phone. and if i see a "1 New Message" there would be this part of me that's hoping it's from you. and that never happens. i know there would be this day it would all end. some day when you finally decide that's it's not worth it and i am not the one you are looking for.

maybe, it happens to be today.