It's been bugging me. Yes. Weight problems. I'm not obese or severely overweight. but i feel fat. And that explains why I've started using the calorie counter app since Monday. Its quite useful although i tend to exceed the 'calorie budget' of 1099. whoops. can't help it. I feel fat and i know i need to lose weight but i can't help it if i'm feeling hungry or greedy ya know?

So today my sis came back and she bragged to me being 45kg. ok i got it. ok can. seriously -.- while i was having my dinner nomming away on cereal chicken and prawns. thanks. i agree that my current weight is not my ideal weight. i want to reach 48kg. and here she comes tellling me that she's 45 kg. no it's not the numbers. im ok with her being lighter and whatsoever. (cause deep inside i know im better than her in other ways) its just that memories of her coming to find me just to compare the thickness of our wrists just came flooding back. including those feelings. it hurt me. a lot. and i hate to be compared and end up feeling lousier. seriously what in the world is your problem? do you only find joy in bringing others down? sadistic. and you go around telling the world what a kind heart you have. it seems rather grey to me (and not fully black because yes she loves kids. a lot.) pissed me off on such a lovely dinner.

OMG what should i do now.... i mean i dont want to lose as much to be skinnier than her. i just don't want to seem as fat. (side track, a person didn't believe we were sisters cause she said i was fat -.-) ok so that just reminded me how much i need to lose. but what happens when i get hungry and i need to eat to study? (i mean im a student you know? my priority is studying and not looking slim) and i dont want to lose weight till the extent that it hurts my health and my emotions and then the people around me. i want to live a fulfilling life. i dont want to end up missing on the good stuff just cause i need to watch my weight.
arghhh