It's been bugging me all night and I thought maybe I'll just reply in the morning.

So I woke up this morning, opened my inbox and selected his name. ok I shall reply. (It's not nice to keep someone waiting for so long). But then I saw someone else's name and his message also.The standards. It differs. No don't get me wrong. I don't like him. But the message shows his character of being considerate. Somehow it sparkles. And since I know him and spoke to him about the message, you can really see. He's sensitive ( in the good way) and very very considerate. 我很欣赏这种男生。

And this brings me back to thinking: Did you even realize/felt that I was upset? 你说你喜欢我, how true is that. Really, I was quite upset about it. And once again decided to not reply.

But then I saw your tweet. I don't know if it's about this. Maybe not. But you sounded upset. And maybe I was just too self-centered. You probably also felt hurt when I was whispering with my close friends about something and not telling you. Yes, I have no obligation to tell you at all. But still....maybe i should have. You probably felt left out and so you decided to walk off. It's not that I wanted to make you feel left out. It's just that the reason is probably too abstract for you to understand. Unless you feel the same way, I guess? Feeling awkward but not disliking them, I wouldn't want to go out with them when I am already mentally drained. I don't even want to try to gather up energy and bring up a topic and reactions to our conversation over dinner. Would you understand? You'll probably just see me as anti-social. But that someone else understands. And my close friends understands.

Still, I guess it's probably my fault that all of these started. Maybe, even if you would never understand, I should have told you.

It's complicated.