She's back

All right so she came back. Chaos. All over again.

I sincerely USED TO want her to come back. Missed her a little bit. Now it's just..can you please stay in the hostel?

Well, this was due to many reasons. I mentioned it in one of the previous posts that it as because we could no longer communicate like we used to (it really changed. drastically and quickly.) and of course due to the rather obvious bias-ness(which I've mentioned before) I understand that it was much needed to show her more care and concern since she was staying in the hostel, far far away from home(hey but Singapore isn't very large). They miss her, she misses them. Okay fine.  But it really sucks to see your mother showing her more care and giving in to her so much more and you start wondering if she's your mum. I'm not exaggerating but you can see the obvious change when she returns home. Not sure if I am over-thinking but she went back to the supermarket to get this delicious tasting snack after we told her it was good. She came back with more today, probably because my mum knows that she is coming back. Maybe. So it wasn't because we liked it (I assumed it to be the case previously). Kinda sucks but it's the truth. Also, when she comes home, we definitely get better food. No doubt. We get good-tasting home-cooked soup with mouth-watering side dishes and home-made fruit juice on Sundays. When she doesn't come home, we get the usual not-so-appetizing side dishes. No soup. No fruit juices. You see what I mean?

Another drawback to having her back is that she finishes ALL the snacks we have. ALL OF IT. My other sister agrees. And my mum obviously does not blame her. So currently we've got 3 boxes of delioba, 10 boxes of pepero, 2 cans of pringles. She'll sweep everything away, really soon.

Final reason for not wanting her to come back, my peace. Some how it gets a little noisy when she's home. Rather have her to stay in the hostel. really.

I definitely wished she was around in the PAST. But no now. She used to be someone I can look for but now, it's ok I don't want to end up feeling hurt. Yes, you might be speaking the truth (such as: you got fatter. you got darker. No! you should aim for an "A" like me. You shouldn't be slacking now, go study!) But do you realised how much my self-confidence decreases with each line you say. Yeah it's my fault for having such vulnerable self esteem that can be easily crushed. But this means that all the more I should protect it. Your words used to seem so wise. Now, your tone (or maybe my perception) sounds as if you're mocking me.

So, I'm staying away from you. We still talk, just not as much, not for long. I need to protect myself and my confidence.