they've said that when your mind is in a mess and when you're unsure of what's all this mess you're experiencing, being aware of your emotions helps. and you could do so by typing it out. let's see how this works.

this relationship is screwing up my life. you just know it. it brings high and it could very well bring you to the lowest. what you did that night, a regular girl would go all crazy and excited and pumped up and would have felt so much joy and love. Me? you never asked how i felt. Judging from my emotions, I guess I didn't quite like that. You took it a little too quickly. I didn't like it. The first thought that came to my mind was "What?", then "ok", then "...". On the drive back home, when I finally had time and space to let things sink in, this came through my mind: so this is what it's like to be your someone within the first month. so this is where you and your exes have progressed. so this is your pace. I'm not blaming you and I know there's nothing I can change. Those previous relationships mean something to you, made you who you are today. It has happened and there's nothing I can do about it. I know. And I thank you for being frank. But the thought, it poped out unconsciously. I can't help it, I can't block that thought. It just comes, a bit too naturally. "So this is what you've done, so this is what it's like, so this is what you'll do". "so this is what I'm like""i'm not that special after all". I'm not expecting anything out of the norm, because this is how its done. But i can't help but feel this way. i'm not that special. when things happen and when you find someone new, you're going to do the same. we're all not that special after all. i want to believe that you did it entirely because of your emotions and it was your way of expressing it. but i can't help it that there's this bit of thought that comes to me "was it because of your friends"? now there lies a difference. it wasn't out of pure emotion expression. it was because of a benchmark. what am i to you now.