It's not that i do not have friends and it's definitely not that i'm an outcast in school. i do have friends and i get along well with them. but none of them are my true friends. those i can look to for any help or to simply just talk or do retarded stuff. so many friendships forged, but none of those i can be comfortable around. talk about being comfortable, i can only do that around my family.
what lead me to this topic was something really...insignificant. it was just because of a study date (my promos in 3 days :/) usually i'll visit the library with my sis to study (for this week) but it happened that she had tuition so she had to stay at home. I could either visit the library myself, go to school ot stay at home. i tried contacting my 'closer' friends but (for twice) no one wanted. some had other plans while others just said it was too sudden (they had to seek their parent's consent. see what i mean? my friends were...less YOLO. i like having sudden events rather than planned. but it doesnt and cannot happen that way. i realised i couldnt find anyone to go out on a study date with. of course i could go to the library or to school myself. but i need someone to be there studying so that i'll tend to 'drift off ' less. i felt really lonely. and it seemed like i've distant from my 'closer' friends. this thought was definitely not only due to this issue but many other reasons. i wonder if i'm the only one feeling this way or it's just a jc problem (there were quite a number of tweets, from the people i follow, regarding friendships)
i wish i could find this one, true soul mate. well i know that, of course, i have to start being like one before being able to find one. i tried. but till date i still feel lonely.
maybe i just dont realize the number of friends that i have that care for me. i always comfort myself this way. and hopefully it happens to be true.
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