all right so here it goes..
I've got one more week till my promos but lately many things have been happening (or was i just over thinking) and i realized i pretty much need a blog. or at least somewhere to rant. I mean i have a diary but writing out is too slow and... i tend to have really ugly hand writing so the book looks kind of ugly..
so anyways, hmm, i have 2 sisters and to speak the truth, i used to be closer to my elder sis. probably because we had an extra 2 years of interaction as compared to with my younger sis. or maybe just cause this was how everything is. I mean i guess i was pretty close to both of them :) we didnt quarrel much... which was something we could "boast" about since sibling usually quarrel. a lot. much more than us. much much more. but this wasn't that good for us i realised. just a moment ago. having no quarrels meant that we agreed/accepted/gave in to each other most of the time. i mean, we are bound to have different views, but we dont say it. sometimes the unfair-ness bottles up. and when it erupts, it gets really bad. and when we still refuse to speak the truth, it just gets worse.
I used to look for my elder sis and talk to her a lot. from anything random to really serious stuff that can make me tear up. I looked up to her as my role model (im not kidding. really) she was really nice then,so different from now. Im not sure when everything started to change, probably after she went JC? or after her hall life started? i cant remember. i just knew that we wasn't the person i used to know, the one i could talk to for a really king time. nowadays, with 2 sentences (max) she can totally piss me off. it wasn't like that. definitely not. she started becoming a total different person. she started comparing everything of her against me. it seemed like she was trying to bring me down by telling me how good she was (to be frank, i have low self-esteem so i get brought down real quick). i knew i didnt like the way she was acting but i didnt bother telling her since i was pretty much used to keeping these opinions to myself. of course it got worse, i pretty much try to avoid starting a conversation with her. she changed. and i didn't like a single but of it. yeah she was more..open??? but also became more proud?? and... ok i cant think of a word to describe it. its just... different now.
she told me that reflection was good. she even voluntarily typed out a 2 page (or was it 4?) which reflected her experiences working as an intern at KPMG. and i was like WOW good. yeah she told me that she's been reflecting every now and then (it's good for personal growth) and she feels that she needs to be more sensitive to others and i was like ok good... but now im wondering, did she became more sensitive? no. cause if she was, she wouldnt have done that to me. not at all. conclusion: her reflection was all words but no actions.
she's smart i must admit. academically and of course street smart too. she was the typical smart student.. all As for her O's and A's. many scholarships attained. had a good relationship with the teachers. yeah she has a good heart too since she loves kids. but..somehow...i wasn't exactly hoping that i'll turn out to be like her. cause she's really got some problem with her character/personality/relationships (im sorry i dont exactly know which to put under cause currently im still really confused/shocked/upset by her change. i really miss the past her). i think she really needs to learn to be more considerate and sensitive to other's feelings. i think im suppose to tell her and i think i need to.but how? and would she listen? or would she be pissed.
currently our relationship is still neutral (it used to be excellent to the extend that my friends are jealous that we have such close relationship. really).but if she's going to stay the way she is.. and not change... someday... things might just get worse and i wouldnt want that to happen.
外面的雨下得好大，还好有这温暖的家。
No comments:
Post a Comment