我很确定在家等待的时候，我非常非常期待能看到你。我很确定。但为什么再见到你的时候，一切又变了。感觉淡化了许多。没有满心期待。I wasn't as happy as I thought I would be. So what happned. I shared my story, but at the back of my mind, I had this thought going on "why am I doing this? This does not feel right at all. Not at all." I told you everything, or at least most of it. But the emotions were all too wrong. It was dead silent, with regular intervals of doubt regarding my actions. 我以为变好了，我以为没事了。我以为我放下了。nope. apparently 你比想象中来得小气。 and that's bad, you know that.

I'll tell you the truth, that I don't know why you would treat me this way. I'm confused. I told you the truth, something close to my heart, to assure you that I am equally going through the same thing. Yet, you treat it so lightly as a joke. They say, don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you. I wouldn't want you to threaten me that way, and hence I don't do that. I want you to be confident, and hence I told you that you help you. And this is how you're treating me. Does it help to be kind? Why aren't you grateful I told you? Why weren't you glad I told you? You took it lightly. You took I would tell you everything in the world. Now look what you are doing. You are taking this for granted. You're taking my attempt at being open for granted. You treat it like a joke. And yes, you told me you were joking. It's not a joke when it's not funny, it's not a joke when you are the only one having fun. That's not a joke. And yes, I absolutely dislike it that you treat it as a joke, I absolutely dislike it that you assume I would now therefore tell you everything related to this life and this relationship now that we are on a different stage. Life has taught me to not take things for granted. You should learn too. I am confused, you left me hurt. I chose this roller coaster ride. Do I only have myself to blame?

it turns out that loving someone can be a lot harder. all the joys and 'honeymoon period' that were suppose to come, where did it go?

你说因为了她你永远无法真正快乐。我还想说我正在学着打碎那所谓的‘墙壁’。原来那笑容是真正的快乐。原来在我面前你从来没真正的快乐。原来我没让你真正的快乐。