I wasn't expecting things to turn out this way. I didn't know that my behaviour, all these while, would result in such an outcome. I was controlling, I was pretending. It turns out that too much of all of that could bring harm. I tried, tried so hard to prevent myself from taking you for granted. It turns out that it came out all wrong.

I went on to look at the responses, I heard from people. Ah.. so that's how things were suppose to be done. Evidently, I didn't know. Evidently, I was behaving the wrong way all these while, giving you all the false signals. I wondered how you held on. It must have been extremely tiring but you never gave up. I'm wondering why. And now, I guess you are beginning to doubt yourself. Why are you holding on and trying so hard when all I've ever done was to hurt you? Now I see, you're trying to let loose and let go. You're testing to see maybe, just maybe you'll be okay without me. I don't want you to let go. Yet, I don't know how to hold you back. I have no say in this. You have your insecurities and so do I. But we are not communicating them. Why? Because we can't. We don't have a reason to do so.

So please, help me this once to get through this. I know where my problem lies, and I want to change, to change for the better. I'll still be jealous and I'll be in a bad mood when I see you with her. I used to think that was my problem. But I've came to realise it is only a normal response. It is okay and perfectly normal to be jealous. In fact, I should. If there's no jealousy felt at all, that is when I should let go. Now is not the time.

i've pictured myself crying, crying in front of you. because i'm upset. because we were breaking up. i've pictured us breaking up. i've pictured myself seeking comfort and help from my friends. i've pictured seeing you with someone else. i was heartbroken, terribly heartbroken. i can't bear to see all of that.

there are so many things i want to tell you. but i cant. because its inappropriate, because i dont have a reason to do so. im scared. that's true. so are you. would i have the capacity and the ability and the maturity to love someone? all the dramas we've watched, they've talked about the great extents love can go. would i be able to love someone like that as well?