were you trying to teach me something? You gave me the luxury that most people were envious of, you gave me this long illness which lasted longer than I thought. I'm not even completely out of it yet, it's coming back. But I guess these 2 incidents taught me something in common. Something I never exactly thought was important. Something... that would probably not be of priority especially when doing these activties. I did them for my future career, I did them out of pure interest. Not to make new friends, not to form lasting relationships (it usually doesn't happen so who cares?). I'm the type to wait for someone to approach me and to prove to me that this is a friendship you want, you are genuiene, you want to maintain contact even after this. If you could prove to me this is what you want, ok, I'll put in the effort. You're lucky if someone approaches you. And what if no one shows you they care about having a friendship? Then it's all work. I am here to work, complete my job, talk to you on occassions because I have to not because I want to, go home. Done. There's nothing more.

But I guess this challenges have shown me that when you distant yourself, or become 'phantom', no one is going to care. No stranger would walk up to you and grab you by the hand to pull you back in. You're on your own. I was lucky enough to have found/formed a group of my own in previous instances. This time its a little different. Been away for too long, weak connections that were once formed were either on the verge of breaking or have broken. The two dots that were never connected to begin with drifted even further away as if it never existed.

That's the hardest part isn't it. You took time and effort to form that weak little bond which had the potential to grow and thicken. Just one decision could break it all.

Maybe work isn't always just about work. Work is also about forming relationships, making work easier to get by. But how am I suppose to feel close and happy around someone I've only known for days? That's the beauty of relationships. It takes time and it takes effort. If it's meant to be, it'll work out. Sometimes it's less about the outcome of that relationship you were trying to build, sometimes its more of the process of getting it done, picking up skills, learning about yourself. They call that self-discovery.