yeah, i don't understand. why? or rather how? can you be thinking of someone else while claiming otherwise or worse going after another?

the biggest regret of your life. someone you've been unable to give up on after all these years. so you think blindly going after another person would change all of that? wow. much wow. please, save yourself from the delusions, save the hearts of the people your going to lift and then ultimately let go. mostly, save yourself from the people your going to lose because of your illusions. 做人难道就不能干脆一点吗？扭扭捏捏，最后吃亏的也只是自己。如果可以的话，我还真的想以朋友的身份来告诉你，if you're hoping that a miracle happens and she comes back miraculously, that will not happen. 不要再做梦了拜托。只可惜都太迟了，i'm no longer in that position to do so.

if you're going to keep re-reading the previous chapter, you're never going to move on.

It's been a horrible night. really. and i'm hoping a night like this would never ever come again.

but anyways, aside from all the pain, i guess i've learnt a lot tonight. or rather, maybe, affirmed my assumptions that i used to think was too narrow-minded. guess it seems true though.

they say "在家靠父母，出外靠朋友." yes, it's nice knowing that you have someone to rely on. yet, today taught me that sometimes it's better to just rely on yourself.

the incident took place at home. well i was expecting her to care more and stuff but seems like i had to handle everything myself. yes im old enough to take care of myself. well, maybe that's why she reacted this way. or it could turn out to be other reasons (which i have considered and it could be possible). but anyways, humans are selfish by nature and would most probably only do something if it is to their own benefit. i guess that's why it turned out that way.

人类是自私的。我也一样。