Maybe it was right. to not have your hopes up high. maybe i was never meant for this. maybe i was meant to be doing something else, somewhere else.

yes, they say academics at the end of the day is not important. no one is going to ask for your cert, you only need it for the application and then all it becomes is a piece of printed paper waiting to be recycled. yet, it determines our future maybe not in the long run and not as significantly, but it is important after all. and yes, it defines who you are. at least by your family, your relatives and the society.

sometimes i wish you weren't there. bu yet you definitely contributed to bringing me where i am today. i don't know. it's like a benchmark? yes i know i will never ever reach there, but at least i think they are expecting you to hover around that benchmark and not sink all the way below.

i am not smart. please understand.

i've tried convincing myself all this while and i thought i have accepted the fact that i will never do as well and it is ok for that to happen because everyone probably knows that. and yet, sometimes i ask myself why not?

expectations. invisible and yet palpable benchmarks. good to have them around, forces you to stretch your limits. after all, hardwork will be rewarded in this meritocratic society.