and i do wish im a lot less like myself now. getting all acted up and emotional over the fact that no one seems to understand and that i cannot seem to spill out these worries. it's tough isn't it. getting all angry and yet turning to your notebook only to realise you've got so much work undone.

Everything happens for a reason. That bit of you wished you got the kind of answer you were expecting or wanted. And the kind of conversation you were expecting would happen as well. Behaviors change according to the feedback we get. Yours did. And I didn't know what I should do. It wasn't appropriate to share at that point in time was it. Or should I have done just that. But that wouldn't be my behavior would it? But you promised to change. And that needs time would always be your excuse to not change. Or was it simply trust and the decision to let yourself be completely vulnerable and open to the uncertain space. That's not you. So what should I have done? What would have been the better way to go about dealing with this? Now's not the time, the logical one tells you. But your emotional and sensitive side prompts you to think about it. There's nothing much you can do now can you? You've got better things to worry about, no? If only an 'off' button exists, where you can switch off any distracting thoughts. Well it exists actually, it's called self-discipline.